“All there is is love!”

Love conquers all

Love conquers all

Do everything in love. ~1 Corinthians 16:14 

A bush of gray messy hair. Dusty work boots. Though he had a small frame, my friend John had a linebacker’s shoulders and a voice that could make an angel’s words sound mean.  A tough bird living a tough life, for many years he was a chronic alcoholic and as unapproachable as a rat in a gutter.

Fortunately, he did find recovery from the disease of alcoholism for nearly forty years. Don’t get me wrong, John did not travel the easy street of sober life. Demons always engaged him in battle, one in particular, an uncontrollable rage issue, threw him behind bars during his mid-sobriety.

Nonetheless, whether he was up or down, his all-around mantra was “All there is is love!”

I’ve had my own demons over these last 31 years. Though uncontrollable rage, fortunately, has not been one of them, at least not for the last 21 years, anger and resentment is another story. I have a collection of easy-to-reach injustices in the form of people, places and things. In fact, they are attractive and invade my mind dressed in fine jewelry and inflate my ego and puff me up to feel like I am PROactive and righteous; but the truth is, no matter how powerful they feel, anger and resentment undermine our lives and throw us in the chamber of darkness, cloud our vision and defeat our primary purpose(s) in life. To become stuck in destructive emotion is to kill motion. Without motion, there is no life.

Therein lay the legacy that John left me. If you are running out of faith, try Love first. Love is the pill that the pharmaceutical companies can’t compete with. Whenever I feel upset, I hear John’s words, “All there is is love!” The minute I hear those words, I breathe, feel at ease, accept. My blood pressure deflates along with my ego, and the road ahead is clear and manageable; not easy, mind you, but in the right frame of mind, gratitude unfolds its magical carpet.

Don’t get me wrong, don’t expect the uneven terrain to disappear; instead, a happy surrender means a cease fire to an unnecessary fight and only then can we allow our vision to move from the uneven terrain and, instead, shift our focus on the new flower shoots along the path.

Stay tuned!…until next time…walk by faith not by sight!

touched by an angel

touched by an angel

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Peace Prayers

But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.” Matthew 6:6

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Peace, solitude, tranquility

Peace, solitude, tranquility, regardless what you call it, I believe the best way to offset any turbulence in life is to become a homing pigeon led to a space that may not necessarily be your physical home, but present an undisturbed place of respite.

Over these last thirty years, one of my refuges is Our Lady of Lourdes Grotto in Brookfield, Connecticut.

Whether I am in praise, joy, anguish, exhaustion or discourse, I come here to realign my thoughts and spirit and awaken my soul.I have never witnessed a burning bush experience, magically cured an ailment or miraculously transformed in some way. But I am always removed from the stressful boom of the secular. Humbled, I feel peace at my core, and I am ready to return my higher self to the world. That is, the selfless self that can stop ruminating about ME, turning the “M” into a “W” and forming the word “WE” and actually giving completely of myself to someone else.

Though the grotto is as solitary as its brick edifice, I have never come here without being overwhelmed by the sense of union that I feel as I kneel before the candles, religious statues and personal mementos that others have left, and I discover. This is another way that I get unstuck from my own navel gazing and feel part of a larger whole.

Oddly, over these many years, why others don’t flock here like they would a rock concert, I can’t figure out. Rarely, have I seen one other person visit the grotto while I was there.The grotto is off a busy road, buzzing with motorists that accelerate a good ten miles over the set speed limit. I always think how ironic that these motorists don’t see “it.”

Upon leaving, I always want to call to them.“Eureka!” I want to shout. “Look what’s here!”

But that is like asking a stranger to take a road without surface or form.That would be like something akin to faith.

That would be like saying to the passing motorists, “Come feel how small you are and how little true control you have.”

Most of them would likely rather attend a rock concert.

Stay tuned!…until next time…walk by faith not by sight!

touched by an angel

touched by an angel

HOW TO BE A PRAYER WARRIOR, ONE LINE AT A TIME–FINALE!

Today completes our daily spiritual inspiration, meditating on the long version of the Serenity Prayer, which breaks down to 6 lines of thought for 6 easy, but effective days of prayer.supremely happy

We are not moving in chronological order, so please join us as we continue.

Line 7, Day 7 is: *

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

During my adolescence, I discarded religion, leaped on the fast track of a sinner’s life and, finally, in my mid-twenties haphazardly tumbled into the spiritual Land of Oz. Right before the new dawn in my life, I became gravely ill, was rushed to the hospital and had a near-death experience. The slap of the nurse’s hand was a rude awakening back to residing in the bowels of the personal hell that I had built. You see, I had a positive experience clinically dying. I had entered a dimension where I had been freed and stripped of the confines of my physical and mental state; in other words, all pain, worry and necessity.

It’s been a long time since that slap back to the real world. Through the many decades of recovery, I now belong to a group of peers whose jam-packed history involves, among other things, the agony of playing hurt.

In fact, we have an ongoing joke, “Thank God we don’t have much longer.”

To an outsider, this statement may sound morbid. But to us, we’ve survived many trials, in addition to the world’s garden variety of evil; the stuff that double locking your front door forever is all about. Despite it all, we hobble forward, many times still tripping along the way. We are not victims, instead survivors. Advancing in age, we habitually pray to retire from the challenge of letting go and healing and, more so, for the ordinary life.

Whether we are a cursed bunch or a blessed flock is debatable, depending on the given day and circumstances. One thing certain, we are relieved to know that this world does not mark the finish line; meanwhile, dwelling here “reasonably happy” is the best blessing we can get. Innately we know, the spiritual Land of Oz is underrated compared to what awaits behind the gateway of our eternal home with Him.

Amen.

Stay tuned!…until next time…walk by faith not by sight!

* Off one day!

HOW TO BE A PRAYER WARRIOR, ONE LINE AT A TIME

What God is

What God is

Today, I hope you join our community, if you haven’t already, in some daily spiritual inspiration as we meditate on the long version of the Serenity Prayer, which breaks down to 6 lines of thought for 6 easy, but effective days of prayer.

We are not moving in chronological order, so please join us as we continue.

Line 5, Day 5 is:*

Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will.

Ahhhh! Sweet surrender. To me, this is the stress breaker prayer. It defines the question, “What is spirituality?”

The proof of God is in the calming of my hyperactive thoughts. White flag surrender like sin has gotten a bad rap these days.

If you trust your higher power—God, Jesus—Good Orderly Direction, and feel He loves you, then isn’t it a practical move to allow Him, not you, the center ring in the watchtower that stands over your world? I cannot get into God’s mind, but I have to reckon with the fact that he IS God and sees the divine. I, within my mortal confines, only see a sliver of truth. I do not know why babies die or why floods wash away entire villages, but I do know that I reap my strength, comfort, courage and ultimate peace from Him.

If I believe he is the sole proprietor of the reset button, after all, he created it, then why should worry riddle me? I truly am powerless. When I am sharing the bed with my control freak, the fix-it visualization is a tree branch stricken by a violent storm. If it bends in the direction of the wind, the branch will never break or crack. I visualize my spine, limber like Gumpy. Then I can hobble forward and attempt a proactive action.

When I surrender to His will, I release my position in the command center and the false sense of controlling the universe. I am aghast at how stupidly powerful I think I am. I feel best when I hand over the steering wheel to Him and my ego takes a respite in the backseat.

Through my adolescence into my early 20s, fighting, in a constant rage, I was like a cracked, splintered branch, totally useless in a hurt form.

“Surrender to win. Surrender to win.”

My dear friend George, who accurately interpreted my will of steel, persistently repeated to me whenever I saw him, which back then was on a daily basis. Some five years prior to my knowing him, he was involved in a near-fatal drunk driving accident, driving his automobile into a tree. After the EMT team resuscitated him, he survived in a coma for six months in the ICU at the hospital. Astounding the medical experts, he gained consciousness.  After years of living super glued to his personal agenda, this one-time marine commander woke up; healed from the soul out and the bounce of youth even lightened the limp in his left leg, a leftover war injury.

“Surrender to win. Surrender to win.”

With a buoyancy under his heels, he still proclaims, beaming, like a schoolboy, willing and ready, excited to take on the next challenge.

I had fought George for years on that one; I resisted and bulked. Finally, about ten years after knowing him while on my journey of personal spiritual change, I began to repair all the damage that I had done to the branches of my spirit, soul and body. Now, nearly whole, I am the first to surrender to the battle ahead. By doing so, I have instant access to the switch that opens up the parachute. I like floating around life held by Grace, soaring with dignity. Ahhhh! Sweet surrender. If I could bottle this stuff, I’d make millions; of course, I’ve already hit the jackpot along with a very selective few, winners like my friend George.

* Sorry, since my life is mostly in crisis mode, I had a few days of delays in our daily prayer.

Stay tuned!…until next time…walk by faith not by sight!

How to be a prayer warrior, one line at a time

prayer for strength and courage

prayer for strength and courage

I hope you are still with me on our spiritual journey as we meditate on the long version of the Serenity Prayer, which breaks down to 6 lines of thought for 6 easy, but effective days of prayer.

We are not moving in chronological order, so please join us as we continue.

Line 4, Day 4 is: *

“Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it”

Sin has gotten such a bad rap, it’s sad. When you examine sin, you examine consciousness. The only time sin imprisons us is when we disown our dark side or disengage from it. No matter what we do to look and feel wholesome, pretty, innocent, smart, handsome and savvy, we are sinners. We comprise the world. If we don’t accept this, we fight a lost battle.

The good news is the first step, acceptance, is the hardest, but it is the answer to everything. The most courageous thing we can do is see ourselves the way we really are, not the way we would want to be. We don’t do this alone. God works through people. God works through you. He is the ever-present anchor. He wants you to hold your head up, look squarely at yourself and reckon with the fear. Only at that point can you embrace change. And when you change yourself, the world shifts for the better.

Stay tuned!…until next time…walk by faith not by sight!

* Yesterday was a day off, so I skipped a day!

Strive to be happy

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 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give you. Let not your hears be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27
There is a very special non-denominational chapel at High Watch Recovery Center in Kent Connecticut where I spent a good deal of my younger years. In that very place, a mishmash of everything religious and spiritual, for the very first time in my life, a life filled with pain, desperation and sadness, I felt true faith because it came from within. One of the things that influenced me so much was what was printed on the wall…”Desiderata….Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.” desiderata_by_striveforpeace
I left High Watch on a venture; to sing my unique song fully as my heart cried in despair; to fail in the eye of defeat—get up, fail again; to love without reserve, on an uncertain, sometimes unsteady path, step up, trudge forward, head up, eyes fixated on a mustard seed of hope.thCAHUMSUY
Stay tuned!…until next time…faith forward!
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What a wonderful world

 

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 

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A number of months ago, one of my dearest friends called my cell phone and left a message on the voicemail. The catch was, she forgot to hang up.

I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
I see skies of blue and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
The colours of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shakin’ hands, sayin’ “How do you do?”
They’re really saying “I love you”
I hear babies cryin’, I watch them grow
They’ll 
learn much more than I’ll ever know
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world
Yes, I think to myself, what a wonderful world
Oh yeahanimatedRainbow

You would think my friend was an opera singer in her car, booming those words alongside Louis Armstrong. My tears were not only a response to her astonishing vocal abilities but to the fact that, she, a mother who lost her son at 18, only to become a widow shortly thereafter, was the epitome of what a wonderful world it truly is as long as we can find that tiny hint of sanctuary within ourselves that we can build when we make faith the cornerstone. Again and again, I listened to my friend on the voicemail, humbled.

In the face of injustice, who am I to question “why?”  Instead, I need to raise my eyes above the sins of the world, the Calvary of the journey, and fixate on God’s masterful creation of mountain tops, skis of blue, clouds of white, and all the things I may not be aware of, but are freely and generously the constant framework of my ever-changing world.

Stay tuned!…until next time…faith forward!

Mind Confusion: Good for you?

dance_school-1280x1024 (2)Body confusion sounds bad but is good. As my yoga coach explained, when your exercise routine becomes routine, your muscles get bored and slack off. You can schedule the same exercise routine every week, but after awhile it becomes old hat, and your body does not benefit from the workout. In other words, you have to challenge—shuffle things around; in essence, confuse the body to keep it at its best. Challenges and new moves keep you in healthy grooves!

In this same vein, if the body slacks off, wouldn’t the mind do this also? Not to minimize the impact of a life crisis, but one thing it does do is shake you up and orbit you to unfamiliar places that may feel foreign and scary at the beginning, but later as the journey unfolds, recharges the imagination and ignites the creative problem-solving juices.

For instance, before our family’s personal crisis in 2010, I could have continued to hide under some fifty extra pounds of weight and allow myself to fade into the buttermilk color walls of my house, vaporizing behind my then husband’s emotional tailspins.

Instead, nearly four years later, “mind confusion” has kicked me into over drive. Tons of new challenges undertaken…daunting jobs, grubby courtrooms, and a longtime friend who threw me under the bus just when I was about to get my bearings! With the challenges, new joys have also unfolded…dating again since 1989, the last time I had a date; neighborhood kids who come to the door with shovels during a blizzard and a late-life love who surprises me with a kiss that transplanted me back to feel sixteen again when my high school’s gym class cheered me on as I did a tap dance atop the trampoline.

Thanks to the element of surprise, total mind confusion, I not only shed the pounds, okay, some of them, but I have also had a love affair—with my femininity, my individuality, my sometimes tragic, miserable, highly interesting, amazing life, and I learned that courage doesn’t come to me naturally, but that I have to have faith and work at it…not face danger and freak out and bolt, but face danger, freak out and stare it down—a little bit longer at each new perilous zone.

In the end, I still have “the bad” confusion in my life and I struggle as a single mom. It remains an everyday challenge to be stable and balanced, especially when the mortgage due date draws closer, every month, and my mind becomes a 24-hour melee in which I must battle it out with beasts that can and will flex their muscles to frightening proportions. Then there are those days when my body joints tell me I have been squeezed out of so much youth.

Through it all, I have learned to get my shine on and dance through life as if my experience on this earth has been a skip through a meadow of wildflowers and not a plunge into an abominable pit of hot coals, employing grace and dignity at all times when tears mar the vision, but faith carries me forward through the downpour.

Fast-forward “reel” life

Whatever is born of God overcomes the world. I am born of God and I overcome the world. This is the victory that overcomes the world, even my faith. —1 John 5:4

thCAN5LS78computer  Last weekend, there was a glitch in my computer, and I was unable to get the desktop program up on the screen. Typically, I am an obsessive nut when it comes to troubleshooting computers, but by 1 a.m. on Sunday morning, I called it quits on trying to figure out what was wrong with the computer. I shut the office door to the mega pile of computer-related work that layered my desk.

I woke up Sunday and asked myself, “Where’s the faith?”happy-computer-clip-art

Immediately, a peace came over me. I knew it would be okay. As much as I wanted to skip church and, instead, seek a computer expert, I fast-forwarded my reel of life, and I visualized the computer functioning later that day when I needed it to get caught up on paperwork! Then I thought in tactical terms. How much fear did I have? (For me, any struggle—large or small—in my life, boils down to the fear factor.)

I calculated the situation as follows on a one to ten scale. The hard drive on my computer could have crashed; on a one to ten scale, ten being the most fear, this came out a TEN! I doubted, however, that this was the case, because I did see some of my software in place. This lowered the fear factor to a six. Then I thought of possible computer people/companies that could help me solve the problem and get my computer up pronto. That comforting thought wheedled the fear factor down by one. I summed up my fear factor at about a five. Tactically, I had to get a five or higher of faith to buffer and/or override the fear factor. I closed my eyes and visualized again the computer functioning and asked God to guide and direct me.

In church, I noticed a man who was an IT specialist. He had to be the answer. After church, the IT expert basically brushed me off! My fear factor went back up a notch. I countered it with turning the Faith-O-Meter up a notch…”God help me.”

Later, driving home on my road, I saw my neighbor and after chatting with him awhile and sharing my computer woes, he said, “Well, you are in luck. This is my son’s last day here before he moves out of town later today!”

He was referring to his son, another IT specialist, a recent college grad, who had found out-of-town employment in his field. Well, fast-forward to a couple of hours later, and my earlier affirmation had come true to life. My computer was up and running.

Two days later, back to crisis mode. After a rough three-year road, we may lose our house after all. In a nutshell, my –ex won’t sign some papers. That’s it. Fear factor? About a “3” today. Sure, when I initially received the news, the fear factor was about to bullet off the scale, but then, miraculously, I kept thinking about this blog post, which I had been in the process of writing. “Come on WTF? Where’s the Faith-O-Meter?” That’s all I could think of. I’ve had a couple of fantastic friends by my side (you know who you are!) Thank you! Thank you!

Hurt people hurt. That’s all I have to say. I am the victor not the victim.

So, here’s my Fast-forward “reel life.”

Under the watchful, caring eye of the Great One, I am lounging somewhere on one of the Hawaiian Islands with my soul mate…mango juice in hand. My kids are playing sand volleyball with a ball that looks strangely familiar to a pineapple. The rest of the family and friends are doing the hula. “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” followed by White Sandy Beach and then What a Wonderful World by my all-time favorite artist IZ (Israel Kamakawiwo’ole) wafts through the scene. No slice of life can get better than in affirmation time.

Until next time….Faith forward!

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