Keeping the Faith in the Sunset of Life
Enduring divorce and a host of other hardships and tragedies, I can’t seem to stop opening Pandora’s Box. The only consolation is that I am at the sunset of my life. As I mentioned in last week’s blog post, I spend most of my days in insolation (detachment) rather than isolation (seclusion). I also try to remind myself that I cannot understand certain things, such as the apathy of certain ill-wishers in my life.
In my previous blog post, I also wrote about “a symbolic nemesis that had infiltrated my world.”
This week, I’m lifting the lid on a real-life nemesis who has been a source of friction in my life like a thigh-sized bur since I was 14. I try to understand that she is struggling with her own issues, and that she is simply incapable of showing love and compassion. In addition, the woman’s continuous erratic behavior suggests that she may have dissociative identity disorder (DID).
I need to remember that I am not responsible for her traumatic childhood or her behavior, no matter what the reason. I can only control my own actions and reactions.
Fortunately, I don’t struggle to keep the faith when I am able to believe that things are the way they are meant to be. This belief takes the pressure off me, and I can leave the rest to the great creator, God, all there is, Greater Good, or whatever he or she or it may be. As long as my ego doesn’t get enmeshed into things out of my hands, it’s going to be a good day.
I also know that I am worthy of love and respect. I am a valuable person, and I deserve to be treated with kindness and compassion. The real-life nemesis in my life, most times, quite frankly, I wish she would simply disappear. But I remember back in the 80s when a few of my mentors advised me that she was here to teach me valuable lessons.
What these lessons are, I don’t know. I do know, in retrospect, that at the lowest points of my life, she tried to beat me even lower. Did her acts of cruelty make me a better person? No, I can’t say they did. Hurt supersedes all the memories of her in my life. Typically, my only desire is to shovel my hurt on her until she seeps into it like quicksand.
I suppose, though, one thing I’ve learned from her is how to bar out the negative thoughts and erase a real-life nemesis from my mind. Release her back to her own creator and go about my life, channeling whatever positive energy is left. That’s what it’s about.
“Don’t give up. It may take time to heal from the pain of indifference and deep wounds, but it’s important to remember that you can get through the pain. Don’t give up on yourself or on your faith.”
That’s the message I find without my having to consult any particular guru, because the inner voice is divine, and I don’t mess with divinity.
WTF? (Where's the faith?) 
My karmic sister, The faith that there is only justice in divinity &lessons to be learnt in such interactions is a strong force.There are no coincidences in life sans a purpose.Karma theory is a great moral support for Hindus, though it is universally accepted to day I keep a safe distance with negative people and associate only with positive souls You are such a one! Love Prema
Thinking about karma ALWAYS helps! And, yes, I do keep a safe distance as much as possible! I’m grateful to have you in my life, Prema!
you must stay away from such people as much as you can; I like that snarky comment about quicksand: there are people in my life whom I wish this on 🙂
I find that often there’s some sort of chemistry involved with people that I find difficult. I avoid people who present as difficult as a constant pattern. There’s enough to learn from here without subjecting myself to anyone thoughtless or cruel in the hopes of learning something useful. Even if their behavior seems unintentional. Thanks for sharing this!
Thanks — as always — for your helpful insight and wisdom. Chemistry is an interesting point you bring up. I will definitely think about that idea!
Thank you, my friend.
Your post really resonated with me, Stacy. I am dealing with a toxic family situation and your words were helpful. It’s been a struggle, but I’m glad I’m not alone with this. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this person all your life, since my situation is fairly recent.
With all that you have suffered, Stacy, I admire your remarkable positivity and hope. You’ve suffered a horrific loss and yet you still cling to faith. To me, you are a miracle!