Fear Mongrels

Photo by Mile Ribeiro on Pexels.com

Since childhood, the bullies in my garden of life are as plentiful as three-leaf clovers. Their job is to intimidate and control. Sling insults, impede success and flatten everyone who appears on their radar.

After a bully encounter with the one of the two bullies, who are like Velcro in my life in spite of my grief journey, I am left with an indifferent acceptance fueling a slow burn in the pit of my chest. Afterwards, I quell my uncomfortable feelings by sprinkling a pollyannish delish sweetener on my angst. Many times, however, the discomfort awakens me at 3 p.m. like a pulled muscle.  

My denial doesn’t trick me any longer into believing that the bullies are acceptable. In reality, bullying behavior under the best of circumstances has the same effect of a concoction of artificial chemicals in the body.

Now, in the final chapter of my life, I am removing toxins, starting a healthy diet and getting fitted for big girl panties. After all, how long can one survive on toxicity? Sometimes, though, finding voice, drawing the line and saying, “No More!” seems like an impossible conquest.

Uncharitable, unkind bullies seem “blessed” in my circle of family and friends. Their big ego magnets attract big things. One bully, for example, who is now an adult, but used to mercilessly insult my son in middle school, has not only survived, but, apparently thrived, having recently obtained a supervisory position. The job involves children, and I wonder if he has outgrown his bully behavior. I wonder what will he pass on?

Bullies come in all ages and from all backgrounds. Bullies rein with a rod of thunder that elicits fear. Their mission is to control the moves on life’s chessboard.

My mission is to stop perpetuating the cycle. If fear and faith are segregated roommates then I am at that point where I am friending faith. This does not mean fear magically disappears. This means, I have to look it in the eye and die … but not REALLY die, because that’s fear talking, lying and stripping me of my birthright dignity. The only path to victory is having the wherewithal to weld a faith shield. I can do that, because I, too, am blessed with courage to climb higher, above fear’s bondage and escape into freedom outside the prison of running scared.

Faith Muscle

12 thoughts on “Fear Mongrels

  1. Stacy, you continue to amaze me with you prosaic style of writing. I’m thankful you are ridding yourself of the toxicity in your life. I believe that after experiencing a devastating loss, we have less fear – we’ve already endured a horror. Embrace faith over fear. The faith I am imagining is your son’s love surrounding you and inspiring you to live your best life, despite the awful reality of what you’ve lost. Sending big hugs.

  2. Hi Stacy,
    Kudos to you for working towards removing toxins from your life.
    It is so hard to get rid of negative people and energy that, sometimes, just seems to find us. And we don’t want to be mean or appear uncharitable, and we end up going along with it. It is almost impossible to draw the line on them , but we have to!
    “Bullies” sometimes appear to thrive, but I doubt it. It is all appearances. But then again I must ask, can a bully change? I hope so.
    Faith is indeed the better friend, the one that is with us at all times.
    Stand your ground and continue to surround yourself with truth, courage and beauty!
    Blessings to you! ♥♥

    • On Wed, 14 Apr 2021 at 8:55 pm, WTF? (Where’s the faith?) wrote:

      > A Star on the Forehead commented: “Hi Stacy, Kudos to you for working > towards removing toxins from your life. It is so hard to get rid of > negative people and energy that, sometimes, just seems to find us. And we > don’t want to be mean or appear uncharitable, and we end up going along wit” >

  3. You’ve inspired me, Stacy, to avoid toxic people and not feel guilty about it! (Wonder if there’s a Proverb in the Bible about doing just that? I’ll have to do a bit of research!)

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