For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. –Ephesians 2:8-9
When things hit the fan, most of the people who had been around for years bailed out. I do not blame them. For the sake of survival, in the case of the “fright and flight” response, many times the “fright” switch goes off in the strongest of human beings because we really are “only human.” Vulnerability threads us together.
My fright and flight switch toggled but, thank God, I was in for the fight. A sense of love kept me grounded during some crucial moments. Whenever my faith plummeted, angels flew into my life to let me know that no matter how deserted I felt, I was not abandoned. Sure, from the start, there are a couple of “pins” that still remain intact. My dearest friend Pat, for whom I am eternally grateful, literally saved me from a couple of gun-in-the-mouth moments. A lot of people said they’d “be there.” Pat said she would “be there,” but really was there. Broken down vehicles, car accidents, illnesses, we knew who to call to get a last-minute lift, pick up a prescription and the like… .She never seemed inconvenienced, irritated or angry at taking the time out of her super busy life to “be there.”
Then there was my angel banker. He took hours of time out of his busy schedule. There was a very critical time (or two!) when I really thought he was going to have a complete meltdown with one of the supervisors by fighting on my behalf. I’d go into his foxhole any day.
The first significant sign, in fact, came right when everything went tumbling down. It came in form of a fellow elevator passenger. I did not know this woman nor have I ever seen her again, but I can hear her voice often.
“The world in spinning right now for everyone, darling. We all want to get off, but we have to hang on.”
Don’t ask me how she knew my world was spinning; actually thrown completely out of orbit, her words conveyed what I needed to hear at that time, which was “You are not alone.” She the first angel in a long list that kept me holding on; sometimes with bruised and bloody fingers, but grasping to survive another moment in the hopes that it would lead me to a new day unveiled with a glorious sunset…and when the clouds, rain and bad weather met the dawn, the angels that “miraculously” appeared gave me a healthy dose of Vitamin D.
Going thru a lot of angst and disappointment, I would be a liar if I said I had hope. At least in the sense that I used to have it, but I do believe that I can cruise forward, hang on even when all I have to grip is the tippy-tip of an angel’s wing.